Calico Slave

@ShazamChi So they don't fluster me so ...2/11/2012 1:12:06 PM

@1pt25_girls @00Syd ... Help. what is going on?2/11/2012 11:01:07 AM

@perpetua47 whooaaaaa blast from the past2/11/2012 12:21:08 AM

Me: My hand feels great! Will it [burns on hand] hurt again when I'm sober? Them: Yep. Me: So brunch then?2/11/2012 12:19:18 AM

@MajaMajaMaja @StrapOnJo are you guys connecting? the Maja household is great and so is Jo, if y'all didn't already know!2/11/2012 12:16:05 AM

@perpetua47 Me too! in the meantime i'm drinking heavily. seems to be working great. don't ask me tomorrow :)2/11/2012 12:12:25 AM

@StrapOnJo I could put you up if you're stranded, but it's JC and you and I would be sharing the futon2/11/2012 12:08:02 AM

First time she came over, I ruined dinner & had to take her out. Today: grabbed hot pot handle, 2nd deg burns. Need to fuck uglier women!2/11/2012 12:04:12 AM

@Quickiesnewyork http://t.co/mAn9XV3H2/8/2012 7:51:12 AM

@ClarisseThorn I'm not on Facebook. Why?2/7/2012 6:16:44 PM

@Quickiesnewyork @jscottgrand IN IN IN2/7/2012 4:21:02 PM

@Im_Jon Those caused the first (but far from the last) post scene instance of "Is spitting up blood normal? Yes? ... Uh, OK then."2/7/2012 12:09:26 PM

@Im_Jon aaaah! S calls those "nasal trumpets" and I hate them so.2/7/2012 11:08:11 AM

@Quickiesnewyork That's "Buddha's hand"! I only know because I've seen them use it on Iron Chef.2/6/2012 1:07:13 PM

@furrygirl Seriously though, list of impromptu absorbent things porn chicks have used goes on for a page. A page that would make you ill.2/5/2012 11:59:17 PM

@furrygirl Sea sponges are the same deal (although people disagree on whether they're vegan) but any sponge-like thing works.2/5/2012 11:57:35 PM

@furrygirl makeup sponges. 's'all I'm saying2/5/2012 11:43:28 PM

Is there any way to stream the Superbowl with its TV ads? Lots of people at this party want to know! Love, sad Calico.2/5/2012 6:31:00 PM

Seriously not cute. Wanna see me lose my shit? Ask me to my face if my boyfriend is helping and do I know how to use a drill. #rage2/4/2012 1:08:43 PM

There is only one place I regularly feel like I need a man to get anything done and that is shopping at Home Depot.2/4/2012 1:04:37 PM